getting "old"

Tomorrow is my 16th birthday and since I've never been too great with growing up (I cried at midnight on  my 15th birthday) I'm kind of not excited.

But at the same time I am. Honestly I kind of love getting presents (and giving them but it's just nice to get things you've really wanted sometimes - I'm obviously extremely grateful for all of this) and we're going bowling and I adore bowling.

So yeah I am pretty excited but at the same time I'm just dreading growing up. The thought of having to go out and work almost every single day of my life in a job I possibly hate terrifies me and I don't know how so many adults do it every day. I also feel like I'm suddenly more responsible even though I'll still only be 16 which isn't very old (I can apparently pilot a para-glider though!). Also I'm not really looking forward to going back to school. I've been doing the summer work I got set for A-Levels and it's already stressing me out so I'm not sure how I'll deal with it for 2 years.

I just want to be young. I'd like to have the brain I have now as I like being able to learn and understand more things than I did when I was younger but I just want to be 5 and be able to run around with a bubble wand without people secretly judging me and I don't want to have to be scared about my future and what the fuck I'm gonna do.

I know people older than me are probably thinking "you have nothing to worry about" but that's not going to stop me worrying. I know I'll likely look back on this and think that I was just being silly but that doesn't make it any less scary. Because I am really scared.

So yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna smile and eat pancakes and pizza and enjoy bowling with my family and try and forget the fact that I'm just edging closer to working every day of my life until I inevitably die.

Goodbye

:)