i want to write poetry

A stupid little poem I wrote yesterday that's not meant to be taken seriously in any way! I just want to write poetry. (also I know poems don't necessarily have to rhyme I just thought it sounded funny ALSO as you can tell I'm not amazing at rhyming)

I want to write poetry.

I want my thoughts to flow in a way that sounds nice

and use words that make me sound as smart as mice.

I want a rhythmic beat that makes you tap your feet

and a surge of syllables that won't make you miserable.

I want my pen to swiftly spill its ink

into a poem that hopefully will not sink.

So here is my incredibly forced poem just to say:

I want to write poetry. Maybe I'll try one day. 

craving creativity

I hate that feeling when you just want to do something creative but you don't know what.

For me it's mostly craving putting pen to paper but just not knowing what to write. Or when you do get an idea but when you try to put it down on paper you just can't write more than two sentences.

I want to do something. Change something in my routine. Make something.

When all you want is to write an amazing blog post but all you can do is write some sentences on how you wish you could write an amazing blog post.

Goodbye

:)

"who are you all dressed up for?"

I can't help but get a little irritated when maybe I put a little more effort into how I look one day suddenly I get bombarded with the apparently obligatory question, "Who are you all dressed up for?" I don't understand why I can't be dressed up for myself?

Why do we seem to have come to a point in time where everything we do is thought to be for someone else and not ourselves? Yeah, I dressed up nicely today and I look damn good!

It also makes me feel insecure in a strange way. Like I'm drawing attention to myself (I'm not a huge fan of being the centre of attention) even though I try not to care of what others may think of how I look. And honestly mostly I think I manage to succeed in that. I didn't care when I went out in a dress and a multi-coloured propeller hat; so why does this question make me so self-conscious?

So basically what I'm trying to say is: let people do what they want and need to do to help their happiness and confidence (unless it's like harmful or something). And even if they are dressed up for someone, why does it matter? I can only presume that's still what's making them happy.

As much as I am for dressing for yourself, I really do encourage you to try and do whatever's best for your happiness and confidence and try not to let comments like this bother you and put you off doing what you want to do. And when in doubt: fake it 'til you make it!

Goodbye

:)

BEDA?

I have no idea if BEDA is a thing people do or not but I'm gonna try and do it anyways.

BEDA stands for Blog Every Day in August (or maybe it's Each Day?) so I'm gonna try (TRY) to put up a blog post every day throughout August. It's likely I'll miss days or maybe even stop halfway through and the blog posts probably won't be amazing but I'm gonna try anyway.

My train of thought is basically: if people on YouTube do VEDA (Video Every/Each Day in August) and it helps to get their video making creative juices flowing then maybe blogging every day will help my blogging creative juices flow.

I'm not sure if it counts as cheating to plan/write blog posts days in advance but I feel like there's no way I'm gonna be able to do this otherwise.

Here's to trying! See you (hopefully) tomorrow!

:)

summer holidays

I wrote this blog post on the 19th June and for some reason never made it public. So here it is today:

On Friday I took my last GCSE exam, marking the end of my GCSE exams and my time in secondary school. That means I am now completely free and on summer holidays until September. This gives me just over a month more summer holiday time than normal and I really want to do something with all this time.

In past summer holidays, I have definitely been known to do...well, nothing. Honestly I mostly just spend them watching YouTube or TV or when I was younger I spent the whole time on Club Penguin (that website was the best though). And whilst I definitely want to give myself a fair amount of time to do this "nothing" that I enjoy so much, I also want to TRY and do some other stuff.

I know some friends that are going on that NCS thing this year and while part of me regrets not signing up to do it too, I do feel like I wouldn't really have been able to enjoy it because I'm really not a big fan of being away from home without at least some family members or something and whilst I've never been camping I feel like I know myself well enough to know that I would not enjoy it.

So what do I do? Well one thing I can tell you is that I have a massive list of TV shows and anime to watch (honestly it's like a full 3 A5 pages it's slightly ridiculous). But what about other things? Things that would be widely regarded as "productive"? I have some things in mind but I feel like if I don't write them down somewhere I will either forget them or just pretend that I never thought them in the first place so I don't feel bad for not doing them.

So without further ado, here's a little (future me: this list actually turned out quite long okay whoops) list of some things I would like to do with my super long summer holiday:

• Tidy my room. Like REALLY tidy it. Clear out all the crap I don't want/need anymore and sort shit out. When my brother went to university 2 years ago we swapped rooms because he doesn't really need the bigger one anymore. But we never really properly swapped so we both have boxes of each other's old stuff under our beds that seriously needs sorting out. Honestly, most of it is probably gonna be thrown out/donated because I haven't touched those boxes in years meaning there's probably nothing in there I need.
• Write more blog posts. I know I've said this loads before but now I don't have anything to really stop me so I really wanna try and just write more.
• Write more fanfiction. YES THIS SOUNDS WEIRD but I can promise it's completely clean, Pokemon fanfiction. The community on the website is so lovely and I just miss the creative process of writing a fanfic so I wanna do it again.
• Buy some more plants. And get rid of the ones that are dead. You're not gonna save them no matter how much you water them so just accept it and move on. I really want more cacti because they're just so cute and easy to take care of and to me growing a plant is so rewarding because it's like raising your own little life without all the crying and nappy changing etc.
• Listen to more music. No matter how good you think your music taste is (and if I say so myself, it is pretty frickin' good), you know you want to expand it and there are loads of bands you've wanted to listen to more from so JUST DO IT! (also stop trying to bring back old memes)
• Learn stuff! I enjoy learning and have been eyeing up some Crash Courses series for a little while now so why not watch them and learn something new that you're actually interested in? Also watch some more documentaries and finally start researching some more cruelty free brands and what nutrients you actually need as a vegetarian because I'm pretty sure you're not getting everything you need by living off pizza and pasta.
• Volunteer!!! Not only will this look great on your CV, you know you want to help people even if that means sorting out clothes in the back of a charity shop or helping in some form at the food bank!
• Play some more Animal Crossing New Leaf and make that perfect town that you've dreamed of for so long!

There's probably something I've forgotten here that I'll add at some point but for now, this is the list. Future Caitlin please say you've done at least some of this because now you really wants to.

I feel like I changed tenses and constantly switched between writing in first and third person but it's cool. I forgive me.

If you're already on summer holidays then I hope you're enjoying yourself and if not I hope you enjoy yourself when you are! And if you're one of those weird adult people that doesn't get summer holidays I hope you're still taking time to relax and do the things that you love!

Goodbye

:)

"Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted." - John Lennon

notes to self

some random notes to myself which i might edit/add more to as time goes on

• stop writing then deleting blog posts/tweets (unless they're like really bad or something) because it's YOUR blog and YOUR twitter and YOUR life and if people don't like it then that's their problem
• you won't always feel like you don't belong
• you won't always be this shy (hopefully)
• one day you might work in that perfect small side-lane book/coffee shop you're currently dreaming about (though if we're being real probably not)
• there is good in the world i promise
• stop questioning why people actually like you and just focus on trying to talk to them so they don't end up hating you 
• and yes i know talking to people is terrifying but you can do it i promise
• i know it seems like just EVERY SINGLE PRODUCT is tested on animals but there are great products that aren't animal tested you just need to actually be bothered to do some fkin research
• pls work on you english speaking speech else you'll just cry when it gets to the night before
• tidy your room
• please start your revision else once again you'll just end up crying the week before exams
• buy some hair heat protectant stuff before you burn all of your hair off
• take care of yourself
• just because you felt like crap yesterday and you feel like crap today doesn't mean you will tomorrow
• ur alright i guess
• you will find what you're passionate about one day

:)

Sneezing???? Favourites??????

Okay so I had a cold a week-ish ago and I decided it would be a good idea to write a blog post about sneezing. As soon as I started writing it I forgot everything I was going to say and ended up with this before I gave up:

"I currently have a cold so I've been sneezing a lot. It's made me think about sneezing way more than the average person should. I've thought about"

Yep. I stopped halfway through a sentence. Nice one me. I think I was gonna write about the science of sneezing or something???? idek. But I thought you might want to see that.

Although my cold is now gone I've been blessed instead with a cough. Yay.

I don't really have a subject for this blog post but I've been telling myself that I need to write and not worry about having a specific idea or coming out with a completely 100% perfect amazingly well written blog post so I'm just gonna have a little ramble about things I've liked recently.

The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire by Dan Howell and Phil Lester.
I got this book the day it came out, I'd had it pre-ordered and as soon as I got home, I sat down and read the entire thing. It's been hard for me to sit down and be able to focus on a book for a while, so me reading this in one sitting is something. Things I loved about this book were just how creative it was, how beautiful every page was and how every single page interested me. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire book and it was so clear how much effort had gone into it and how hard Dan and Phil had worked on it. I'd definitely recommend getting it if you don't have it already. I got it on Amazon for £8 and it was worth every penny.

The song Stitches by Shawn Mendes.
Am I late on this bus??? I feel like I am but I've just listened to this song for the first time all the way through a few days ago and I've played it so many times since. I love the tune, I love the lyrics and it's just such a good song to sing along to. Also it's not too loud so I can focus on doing things such as writing this blog post while listening to it which is very good. I definitely want to listen to more music by him.

Autumn.
Just generally autumn. I know this is something basically everyone is saying but I'm honestly enjoying being slightly cold and I love chilly mornings. Also the leaves on the ground are just so beautiful I love jumping on every leaf I see. If you didn't see my blog post on Autumn you can see it here ;)

Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer.
I am a MASSIVE fan of Animal Crossing and have been since I first played Wild World when I was younger. As I mentioned in my Autumn post, I wanted to get back into playing Animal Crossing New Leaf for Autumn and I actually did! And then Happy Home Designer came out and I got completely distracted. Nice job, Nintendo, distracting me from your game with your game. Just take my money. But honestly, I really enjoy this game every time I play it. I don't play it every day as I feel like it would get very boring if I overplayed it so I've been spacing out when I play on it which means I enjoy every house and every building I design. If you enjoyed interior design in the other games I think you'll like this game too!

And that's basically everything I've enjoyed recently. I hope you enjoyed this random little kind of favourites blog post in the middle of the month with a strange bit about sneezing at the start. And I hope you're enjoying Autumn! Even if you're not a big Autumn fan, I hope you're still enjoying your time being alive.

Goodbye

:)